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TRUST IN RELATIONSHIP

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It is nearly impossible for love to without trust. If one person within the relationship constantly feels as though the other is sneaking around or hiding secrets, or perhaps has even been caught being unfaithful, this can damage the trust in a relationship.

Mutual trust can be a strong basis for a healthy relationship. When that trust is breached, not only does one partner feel betrayed, disappointed and cheated, but the other partner can often feel enormous guilt.

These negative emotions can lead to other problems within the relationship, including communication problems and insecurity.

Building and earning another person’s trust and respect takes time, especially after catching your partner out on something major, like an affair or a significant lie. Only you can know whether you’re prepared to forgive a major breach in trust.

If you do decide to work on mending the relationship you should also be prepared not to throw the indiscretion back in the other person’s face at every opportunity. When you’ve told your partner you’re willing to forgive what’s happened, but then immediately make them feel bad for it all over again at every opportunity, you’re holding a grudge, which can break down any work you’ve done towards trying to fix your relationship.

Mending the Misunderstanding

If the trust in your relationship has been destroyed, trying to cling to your partner or not let them out of your sight is not going to make things better. You’ll end up smothering the other person and making them feel suffocated. Your own fears about them repeating the problem are creating even less trust, which can spiral into a vicious cycle.

Holding a grudge and reminding your partner about their behavior regularly is also a sign that you’re not willing to forgive and move on. Your partner may begin to feel as though it’s all too hard if you’re not willing to work on more positive ways to get through a bad patch.

Communication and understanding are vital when you’re trying to mend a breach in trust. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If he or she is truly sorry for the behavior and seems honestly regretful about it, then there’s a chance that it was a mistake and won’t be repeated.

However, there are some occasions where it may be possible to consider if you want to remain in the relationship at all. Only you can know if you’re willing to forgive a breach of trust.

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Boost Your Savings

According to studies, saving money is not as popular as it once was. Saving is extremely important to the quality of life you expect to live in the future. Think about it, what would happen if your car suddenly quit working? What would you do if the heater or refrigerator within your home just decided to give up one day? Imagine a situation where an emergency occurred and you had to travel immediately for some reason, what would you do?

Saving your money within an account can be an excellent source of immediate funds for an unexpected emergency. It makes a great deal of sense to simply put away money into an interest bearing account for these types of events, instead of having to take out a loan or bill a credit card for them. If you do either of these things will result in more debt and higher interest payments. Many experts believe that you need to set your priorities in the right direction and you should attempt to, over time, save an equal to your salary over a three month period.

Many people may find this a lot of money to put back when bills need to be paid, that is fine, consider saving as much as you possibly can without setting yourself into a deeper hole. If you simply saved 5,000 naira a week over a three-month period you would have saved 60,000 naira (not including any interest accrued), that would likely pay for a broke refrigerator or a significant amount on a new or repaired heater. There are many different types of savings accounts that you can consider, some of which do not require substantial deposits.

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SELF IMPROVEMENT

THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF IMPROVEMENT

Hello dear friends. I will startup this topic with scenarios for better understanding.

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Wooh… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself at the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad would still work things out.”
You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of wine. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read through her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?… Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing.
sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us.- when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails, having a foul mouth, and you – of all people, is the last to know.
I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped – gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when w are together?”. In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve her self.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

See you at the TOP.

ARDARRH CHUDI

SINGLES 101. MY LOVE STORY

 “Behind every happy couple lies two people who have fought hard to overcome all obstacles and interferences to be that way. Why? Because it’s what they wanted.” – Kim George

Ours was very unique. Reason(s) we never knew we were neighbors(opp neighbours); we never knew we attended same church; i never knew he was my friend’s elder bro and I never liked him.lol!

How it all started..
My husband and I met by complete accident, as many love stories often go. I was fresh out of secondary school, and working my way through Uni while he was rounding up his Industrial Training (2005). I took a temp job in a book store .The good thing was that I was able to “work” and develop my writing skills. I was seated listing out the books we dont have in stock and then Ifunanyam(My hubby) walked by—the beautiful man with the amazing smile.(Although this wasnt noticed then#smiles). He said to me “hi! Do u have ‘SINGLES 101’?” I cant forget that book. ITS A MUST READ esp to all single guys and ladies out there. Fortunately for him we had just 1 copy in stock. He wanted to get it for his friend as a birthday gift but.. He was not ready. He begged that i kept the copy left and promised to buy the book the next day. Which i obliged but never saw him until few days later. Instead of paying for the book he started ‘bombarding’ me with questions like “have you read SINGLES 101?” When i told him i prefer novels to all these inspirational/motivational books he took his time to explain SINGLES 101… That was the Genesis. One date became two, then three, then we became friends. He buys lots of sweet cherries for our singles 101 discussions.
He was different. He was both magical and familiar, conservative and freethinking, responsible and God fearing.

I remember vividly when i left my job, i didnt tell him i was quitting,he stopped by as usual only to be told i no longer work there. To my dismay, he located my place. I lived with my bigbro. My bro came in unexpectedly and asked who he was the first answer that came to mind was “brother in the Lord” LOL!

I knew he was a good thing for my life. He encouraged me to always trust in God, dream big, never feel inferior.  I think I fell in love the moment he heard my story, and didn’t flinch.  I later referred to him as the LOVE OF MY LIFE(IFUNANYAM), because he pulled me out of the depths of cynicism, and made me look at myself in the mirror with the same honesty I pushed so harshly onto everyone around me.

From the day we met, it was 9years later when he asked me to be his wife. Our relationship and marriage has had the expected ups and downs (as any relationship should), but it is a dance—we may have misunderstanding for awhile, argue, be immature and selfish, but we always find ourselves back together, embracing, and moving as one.  I have come to understand the meaning of love as it was meant to be.  It is grace, a necessary redemption, and a beautiful transcendence from the ugliness we all have inside of us.

 “Relationships last long not because they’re destined to last long. Relationships last long because two brave people made a choice. To keep it, fight for it and to work for it

Someone once told me that you find the most happiness in life in the small, seemingly insignificant things.  There is wisdom in that statement, because I found my happiness working in a bookstore.

Stop Waiting for an Original Idea

You don’t have to be perfect to start.  You have to start somewhere, you have to leave your comfort zone in order to reach the tipping point. I had my excuses, doubts, fears, worries like anyone. But one day I woke up and thought, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.” IT IS TIME TO START.

http://www.adannechukwudi.blogspot.comListen to the most recent episode of my podcast: STOP WAITING FOR AN ORIGINAL IDEA https://anchor.fm/adanne-chukwudi-udejiofor/episodes/STOP-WAITING-FOR-AN-ORIGINAL-IDEA-ejldso

When You are Afraid

Have ever avoided taking action because you were afraid of putting yourself out there. The tension between wanting to hide and also wanting to succeed is something I can relate well with. But I also know that if I want to do something I love, I have to take that bold step into the unknown. I can’t let other people or my fear control my life

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: When you are afraid of standing out https://anchor.fm/adanne-chukwudi-udejiofor/episodes/When-you-are-afraid-of-standing-out-ejjh8d

The Masterpiece

The Masterpiece

From my personal experience, I think children begin their drawing process from the moment they are old enough to hold a crayon or pencil and put it to paper. Sometimes, children draw to express emotions, because they don’t know how to express different feelings through words. They express their fears, joys, dreams, hopes and even nightmares through drawings, and also give you clue about their relationships to other things.

Drawing is another outlet for communication, and children’s artwork represents a view of their personalities and can give us precise information about the young artists.
Although Sometimes drawings are just drawings, with nothing more than a fun playtime showing itself on the page. But sometimes, interpreting children’s drawings means that you discover a deeper layer to what they are thinking and feeling.

However, don’t read too much meaning into a child’s drawing, instead allow the child to tell you.

This is a drawing of I and my hubby drawn by our daughter. The first thing I noticed was the smile and blushes on our faces. At first I wondered why we were both smiling, I asked the young artist and she said because we were both holding a rose flower (which was not really visible by the way)smiles! The flower symbolizes passion, declaration of love… Hence, the sunshine in our smiles.

The fact that she has drawn numerous body parts and clothing which have their various meanings on us suggests that she has mature visual and motor skills. By looking at our clothing, I see that she recognizes gender differences.

The drawing also we seem to enjoy doing everyday tasks together. Notice how we’re each drawn in a distinctive way — My hubby has a bowtie on his cloth which I am still trying to decipher if it is a big buba ankara and bowtie,(lol) and myself wearing a simple dress, for instance. This tells me that she’s able to think of each of us as an individual with a strong bond who focus on giving love.

Oh! Did I explain the meaning of the bowtie on my hubby’s cloth? According to my daughter, the bowtie symbolizes a ‘gentleman’ while my dress symbolizes ‘simplicity.

Then personally, I think My ‘big head’ in the drawing depicts the imperfect me.lol
It was encouraging that she drew us so close together holding one flower with so much joy written all over our faces; this shows she perceived her family as tight-knit despite our imperfections

Thank you for this masterpiece Michelle Chukwudi Udejiofor and siblings.

Ifunanya.

Worry Not

Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago? How did they work out? Didn’t you waste alot of fruitful energy on account of most of them? Didn’t most of them turn out alright after all? WORRYING DOES NOT PROFFER SOLUTION

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Worrying does not proffer solution https://anchor.fm/adanne-chukwudi-udejiofor/episodes/Worrying-does-not-proffer-solution-ej9r8u

Watch “The EXTRAORDINARY WOMAN. Dare to rewrite the rules.” on YouTube

The EXTRAORDINARY WOMAN. Dare to rewrite the rules written by Adanne Chukwudi Udejiofor. Is an interesting book to read. You can contact me +2348176114544 to get a copy. You can also read for free on Bambooks.

Adanne Chukwudi Udejiofor

The EXTRAORDINARY woman. Dare to rewrite the rules.

As a woman, you hold an amazing power. If there is one thing that time and history has clearly shown is that women are far from weak. A strong woman isnt defined by her ability to stay tough, cold and emotionless. A strong woman is defined by any woman who perseveres in the darkest of times, who supports other women instead of bringing them down and who finds strength within herself. It breaks my heart to see women compete against each other. That will surely not make you extraordinary. Rather than compete with other women, help yourself grow and help others too. We should not be our own enemies but supporters.
As women, we are born strong. I mean we bleed for multiple days straight once a month, yet, we continue to live our lives normally. At the same time, society has painted us as weak and fragile.
I embrace and praise strong women. Thus, the birth of my book The EXTRAORDINARY Woman. Dare to rewrite the rules. Chat me to get this book at any price you want. 08176114544

The Extraordinary Woman. Dare to rewrite the rules. GET YOURS NOW   

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08GHW4D1T/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_MszqFb8ZRJDEK  

Live Your Life

Adanne Chukwudi Udejiofor

A woman said to me recently…”I space my kids 5years apart” and I asked why?She gave 2reasons”Because of what people will say””My mother spaced her kids 6years apart”What???
Here’s what I want to point out from this short conversation. I absolutely do not have any problem with her spacing. That is her personal decision. I only have issues with her dogmatized belief.How can your life be dependent on what other people think? How can you compare 2020 to probably 1960s. Do you care to find out why your mother took that decision?
Alot of people fail to progress in life because they allow people to have a negative influence over the way they think, feel, or behave. When you give people such power, they take over your life.
Don’t give people too much power over your life.Don’t allow someone else’s opinion of you to dictate your self-worth
Establish healthy boundaries. You decide who to allow into your life. Avoid people who take up too much of your energy. Don’t waste your mental resources on toxic peopleDon’t change your goals because you were rejected.
Don’t invest your time into talking about people that you don’t like.Are you aware you invest every minute you spend thinking about someone you don’t like, is 60 more seconds you give that person.
In conclusion, It’s impossible to live your best life when you’re focused on pleasing people.